Life takes an unexpected turn for Cash McCollum and Travis Hunter, when Cash learns that he has been tapped by Altiar Biruni to be the adoptive father of her granddaughter, Elena.

He shouldn’t be surprised—because of the long connection with the Biruni family.  Starting with his ill-advised, but unavoidable affair with Elena’s father, Lee—then through his involvement with the others after Lee’s death, the handwriting had been scrawled on the wall.  “Altiar, are you sure?”  Cash asks with a small voice.  “Sure, I sure,” Altiar reassures. 

Cash splits his time along many avenues—his studies at the University of Montana, life with Travis as boyfriend, and finally holding down care-tender duties at the Biruni household in Great Falls—because Altiar is ill with cancer and has no one else she can depend upon.  Her estranged husband, Terek, a physician raising his second family, is a shadowy figure who is both unreliable and unstable.  To Elena, he is a distant family figure who swoops in only when he wants something.  ‘Call Me Grandpa’ becomes his name—dubbed appropriately by the little girl within her deep sea of thoughts. 

Elena’s world soon comes to a crisis point when Altiar dies.  Whisking her to the McCollum ranch in Miles City, Cash introduces her to an entirely new way of life. Where boundaries in Great Falls had been rigidly spelled by cramped apartment walls and small yards, endless wheat fields and pastureland now define a strange, unlimited freedom.  Questions of identity flood her soul and mind as she is shifted from her familiar and quite closed Turkish culture to a free-spirited cowboy lifestyle.  Who is she?  What was her father like?  How did he really die?  Why was her mother not part of this equation?  How does Cashie fit in?         

In hopes to inject some normalcy into her chaotic life, Cash allows his parents to care for Elena while he goes back to Missoula to resume his schoolwork and assist Travis in getting their elaborate country home finished for move-in.  Eugene and Janice, Cash’s parents enroll her in the elementary school where their boys once attended.  “Just when I thought I was over raising kids…” Janice comments as they all load into the pick-up to meet with the principal. 

A dutiful father, Cash commutes 600 miles across state each spare moment to spend as much time as he can with his new daughter.   Once his and Travis’ new house is complete in the heart of the Bitterroot Valley—just outside Missoula, he hopes that things will once again settle into some semblance of normalcy—despite the fact he has been left out of the majority of planning.  Financed from the trust-fund of Travis’ late father and fashioned by ‘Madame Fullcharge’ Tina, Travis’ mother, this mansion in the foothills commands not only the best view of the mountains, but holds an invisible, strangling grip around Cash’s spirit.  “Tina’s picked out all of the china and has given us an entire set of Corning Ware that’s ugly as sin,” complaining to Janice, he waves his hand with a little flounce.  He just can’t bring himself to think of the villa as truly his and Elena’s. 

Travis, Cash’s husband in every aspect—except legal name, has been a somewhat unwilling participant in the upheavals of Cash’s life.  Taking slowly and uncertainly his surrogate father duties, he attempts to balance both home and career—according to what seems fit from his own eyes, but unfortunately, he finds situations growing progressively out of hand.  His hedging culminates in a one-time diversion to a local gay bar that gets him in way over his head with a seemingly fatal attraction.  Adrian Ryan, a hot-shot dirtbagger and drifting university student has what it takes to bring the aloof titan down to size—seducing Travis over a series of drinks.  Feeling Adrian’s fingers unbuttoning the shirt, groping within, taking a nipple between fingers and squeezing them together, hard, the struggle escalates.  I have to stop, Travis’ rational mind cries out… but I want to keep going, the devil, on the other side replies.  When was the last time Cash kissed him like that? –he wonders, as Adrian probes fingers, then pulls tongue, setting the hair on the back of Travis’ head alight and the erection in his pants screaming.  Even though Travis turns the proposition down, he has no clue what lays ahead for him down the pike.   

Within all this churning, Elena pops Travis the question—“are you going to adopt me too?”  Even though she doesn’t fully understand the relationship between Cash and him, it is obvious she wants to be connected equally to both of them.  “We should be a family…”  Those words spear deeply into his heart and spur him to recall a conversation with his mother.  “Well, what are you going to do about it?”   

If normalcy is what Cash is pursuing, then it is also something that keeps eluding him as the entire family is jeopardized when someone fires gunshots through their living room window, an event which places in motion unexpected changes in their lives. 

Not willing to wait while the local authorities take their sweet time in tracking down the person responsible for the shooting crime, Tina—hires a private investigator.  “Well, someone needs to do something.”  She also gets the ball rolling concerning dual custody of  Elena by making arrangements for her son and his family to move down to San Francisco—beginning the adoption process at the family law firm.  “You need to be receiving the benefits of taking care of Cash’s girl.”

Naturally, Cash has misgivings.  Not wanting to leave either his job or his home in Montana, he grudgingly goes along with the Hunter blueprint.  He soon finds himself adrift in the California lifestyle as well as in the temporary job that the Hunters have arranged for him.  “Bullshit and more bullshit—I hate that job.”  Threatened by Elena’s immediate embrace to this strange, affluent world,  and her acceptance of Travis as her second daddy, his mind is flooded with questions.  “Shit, Travis, what are you teaching her?  She’s growin’ up awful fast.” 

Indeed, Travis and Elena have unexpectedly forged a strong bond, one that has the potential to shut Cash out.  Depressed, confused, and riddled with more than just a little guilt, Cash spends his days wondering about his future, and his nights sleepless.  Swallowing enough of what he can stand, Cash finally rears up—deciding to go back to Montana—alone.  “Travis, I’ve had enough.” 

From the git-go, nothing goes right for Cash, and to top everything off, Lee Biruni persists in starring in recurrent dreams.  “Where is it you come from, Lee?  Which side?”  Not sure if he’s going crazy, he asks Lee who appears to him each night—when fully awake.  “That side you don’t know, but you’ll come to know.  Everyone does.”  As usual, Lee’s voice is soft and inviting.  Eventually, this circle brings Cash into obsession—he has to know. “Is it heaven, or hell.  Tell me…”

And then, one evening while driving home from his volunteer position at the national forest, another shot is fired…

He’d been looking forward to it all day—that moment, stepping into the tiny apartment—their private space.  There on the bed, his anticipation—stretched and sprawling, legs flexed and spread, Travis assuming his character pose.  He appeared so secure in his physical beauty, with rows of bulging muscles carefully defined by years of hard work and play.  Cash knew it as well as his boyfriend was a naked dream made real.

“How long were you going to make me wait?” Travis asked with a slow drawl—cigarette floating to and from full, pouting lips.  “I’m on my second and you know I’m trying to cut back.”

A warm breeze drifted through the cracked window.  In the distance, thunder threatened.  It would be a drenched evening, outside and in.  Cash slowly unsnapped the pearly buttons of his shirt, pulling it up and out of tight jeans that framed his lean, lanky form.  Travis said Cash looked as good dressed as he did stripped. 

Throwing his shirt on the floor, Cash stepped over to the bed.  “Want me to keep anything on?” 

Travis sometimes liked the feel of silver-tipped boots against his thigh.  “Um…no.  Get rid of it all.”

Laughing, Cash sat on the bed removing his Tony Lamas and Wranglers—giving Travis’ stomach a little whip with the belt before tossing it along with everything else onto the pile.  “You know, we should be studyin’,” he said leaning over for his hundredth kiss of the day.  “…we need to keep our grades up.”  His mouth slowly brushed against Travis’—softly at first, then with increasing intensity, his tongue feverishly darted over lips he planned on bruising.    

“You study,” Travis replied, grabbing the short hair on the back of Cash’s head and urging him forward.  “…’n keep your grades up.” Forcefully, he ran a large, rough hand up and down Cash’s dampening back. “I’ve got other things I want to keep up…”  Lifting his head slightly from the pillow, he brought his mouth hard alongside Cash’s throat.

Cash reached over to take the still-lit cigarette from the tray on the bedside table.  Pulling in a long drag, he slowly let it out, saying, “You make it a hard choice to deny your desire.”

Unexpectedly, the telephone rang. 

“Shit,” Travis whispered.  “Ignore it.”

Getting up to answer it, Cash replied, “I can’t.  Hello?”  It was hard to keep the annoyance from his tone.

A small voice floated through the line.  It was Elena…

He couldn’t get to sleep.  Try as he could, Travis lay in bed staring blankly at the twirling ceiling fan, his mind mulling through a million things.  Nestled beside Cash’s warm, reposed body, he slowly withdrew into the cool circulation of the room air.  Something seemed to eat at him—picking away, piece by piece.  Hell!  Pushing the sheet and blanket away from him, he swung his feet off the bed.  Sinking his toes into the soft pile of the carpet, he made his way downstairs.  This carpet had the same feel as the stuff that had been laid in the Frisco house.  Stopping in the living room, Travis turned his head and gazed out through the huge picture windows to the moonlit, snowcapped mountains off in the distance.  They looked iridescent against the black shadows of virgin forest and star-studded sky.  The silence of the house seemed almost suffocating.  

He missed the place in California—about that, he couldn’t fool himself.  As perfectly designed as his and Cash’s home was, something was still missing.  Perhaps it was just a symptom of his own arrogance, this fondness for a lifestyle that was now gone.  Anyway, a stubborn memory seemed to forge a secure place in his consciousness, untouched.  All he had to do was will it up and there it was—his vision of the Italian Riviera alongside the Pacific Ocean.  Intact in his mind was the peaceful courtyard with its tiny, bubbling fountain, the Japanese garden, and the enveloping Lanais.  To Travis, it was the entrance of what he knew to be a life of beauty, ease, and contentment.  Looking out from the decks that had run the perimeter of the structure, one could easily feel suspended in space and time.

Pulling himself from this unexpected hypnosis, he continued toward the kitchen, unsure of what he craved.  Truth be said, he wasn’t hungry. 

Never would he have dreamed of living on the damned edge of civilization with a bunch of culturally retarded rednecks.  Jesus.  Miles City had seemed to take the cake.  Whatever had gotten into his mother to move back still remained a mystery.  Fortunately, the Bitterroot Valley was much better than the prairie badlands.  How she could remain there he’d never know.   

Startled by her unannounced presence, Travis felt his heart jump a beat as he felt little fingers slide over his belly embracing him from behind.  Elena’s behavior caught him by surprise.  Rarely, did she seek him out for affection—probably because there was never any invitation from his end.

“I heard you get up,” she said.  “Grandma used to get up all the time at night, too.”

Travis realized that she was a light sleeper, but only now did he understand why.

He turned to her and smiled.  Too much of the time, he didn’t know how to act around her.  He chalked that up to her being Lee’s byproduct.  Unfortunately, as time went on, she resembled him more and more.  Where was her mother in that face, he asked himself?  He heard she’d been a blonde.

“You scared me,” Travis chuckled—looking down at the little lady who stood barefoot in her Disney PJ’s.  Catching his breath, he allowed a smile to cross his face.  Lee or no, she’s coming into her own being.   

The melancholy mood that had flooded his spirit softened.  As if succumbing to a spell, he found himself enjoying the moment gazing into those huge brown eyes.   

“Sorry.”  Her voice was light and wispy.   

He could tell why Cash was mesmerized by her.  She had a captivating personality—one that could draw you in and steal away all your defenses. 

“So we both couldn’t sleep and here we are.  May as well make the best of this fancy new kitchen, huh?”

They stepped inside and Travis began searching for something quick and simple. 

“We better not get into anything too heavy because we both really need to get some good rest.”

“Why are you up?”  Elena was trying to keep her voice down, but she was obviously full of curiosity.

 “I dunno…” Travis allowed his voice to trail off—his eyes staring emptily.  “Just a lot of stuff on my mind, I guess.”     

“Maybe you should light a candle.”

“Huh?”  This lost him.

“Maria says I should light a candle every time there’s something on my mind that’s bothering me.”

“Why?”  He squinted.  Sometimes her logic just didn’t make any sense. 

“To remind me that God’ll take care of it.”  She went to the counter and with feet tip-toed, she reached over for a mug from the tree. 

“What are you doing?” 

“I want some hot chocolate.”

Travis felt his taste buds come alive.  “That sounds pretty good.”  How ‘bout if I make some for both of us?”

“Yeah!”  Her face beamed.   

Travis got some water boiling in the microwave while the little princess sat regal and proper in her chair.  At times her mannerisms could be so cute.

Somewhere between the bathing glow of a random moonbeam and the sweet aroma of the coco, Travis felt a bonding settle between them.  Sitting at the kitchen counter, they both sipped at their soothing drinks, and a peaceful silence floated into the room. 

The hot liquid comforted.  “Pretty good, huh?”

“Uh huh,” Elena hugged her mug—staring earnestly into his eyes. 

It caught him.  “What?”  He could tell something was on her mind.  Probably she wanted him to take her into town to go shopping, something like that.

She paused with her response as if hedging about the possible consequences of sharing. 

Resting his mug before him, Travis leaned forward.  “What’s on your mind?”  His voice softened.  He was learning the tricks of his future trade, after all. 

Shrugging, she turned, pulling wayward strands of hair out of her cup and back over her shoulder with a graceful whisk.  Looking out the windows of darkness, her words chosen were few, but they were powerful.

“Are you going to adopt me too?” 

Travis froze.  He couldn’t believe what she was asking.  Instantly, his mind went back to a conversation he had had with his mother earlier that week…

“Well, what are you going to do about it?”  As usual, there had been a prodding tone within Tina’s voice. 

No more than two minutes on the line with her and he was already eager to bring the phone call to a close. 

“I dunno,” he muttered into the mouth piece. 

“Have you even given it any thought?”  There was a sharp note of irritation in her voice.

“Yes.”  Travis felt a flare of defensiveness rise within.

“Have you talked to Cash about this?” 

She was not going relent, making it obvious to Travis that this was a big issue.  He felt himself dig into a trench.  From his end, he didn’t feel like feeding her information.  He’d work on it in his own way—he hated to be hand-held.  

“A little,” was his response,

“A little…” Tina’s voice mimicked.  “A little what?  Could you be a bit more specific?” 

“Damn it, Mother.  Do you always have to be so pushy?”

“I wouldn’t be so pushy if you’d put yourself in gear and move forward on some of these things.”

“Whatdiya mean, some of these things?”  Now, he was beginning to get mad.

“Travis, how on earth can you be so particular on some matters, and be so lackadaisical concerning others?”

“What the hell are you talkin’ about?”  His volume rose.

“Cash and Elena.  You’ve directed the trust to them, but yet, there’s no legal provision for yourself.”

Couldn’t she see he was not hip on any idea of making Lee Biruni’s child his legal responsibility?  He never asked for this arrangement, nor had he planned for it.

“You’re taking on the responsibility of providing for them,” she paused.  “For one thing, you’ve built the house.”

“Cash carries out his portion.”

“I’m not saying that he isn’t.  It’s just that you need to be receiving the benefits of taking care of his girl.”

“What are you saying?” a sarcastic snigger escaped him, “…that I need to marry him and make her my daughter?”

“Don’t be silly,” she quickly came back on him with a condescending tone.  “There are certain procedures that can be taken to ensure you benefit from your investments with that girl, however.” 

“Like what?”   

There was a hesitation from Tina’s end.  “Dual custody.” 

“That’s only observed in several states isn’t it?”  

“Yes, and California is one of them…” 

Now shaking off his reverie, he looked carefully with heavy eyes at the little girl. 

“We’ll get all of this straightened out soon,” he promised her, wondering what the hell he was saying.

Crack!

They were half-way up the stairs when he heard it.  He knew what it was immediately.  He used to go hunting with his father. Trips every fall to the Sierras, permit in hand.  Except this wasn’t something like from a shotgun, or even a rifle.  It was short and neat—punctuating the air cleanly. 

It couldn’t be hunters this time of night.  Poachers?  Perhaps.  One thing was for sure, it was a shot—seemingly from a handgun at that.  Where had it come from?  From what his ears could tell, it was close… too—

Crack!

The second one hit clean through the living room window with a clanking, then clattering of shattered glass.  It was happening so quickly that he almost didn’t have time to react…until he realized that he had already reacted.  He and Elena were now crouched low to the steps against the railing.

Grabbing her arm, he held her tightly against him.  Elena was perfectly silent; she was already becoming one who never displayed nerves.

Together they waited, huddled like leopards against a black cliff.  Suddenly, all Travis could think of was Cash.  Please stay asleep!  Fervently, he prayed his other half would not come out charging like a raging bull.  He could just see Cash coming down those steps perfectly upright, chest forward.  Maybe they should try to sneak quietly up the steps to warn him, he quickly thought.

Don’t move, Cash.  Stay where you are! 

From somewhere out of the blue, a funny thought struck him.  He let out a huffed snort.  It was like they were on some late night western television show. 

For what seemed like eternity, they remained silent and still.  And the only thing Travis could think of was—what was next?  What would they do?  By now, all they could hear were the returning sounds of the night in a twisted silence.

…So it was all set and waiting to be done—Cash would quit his job, move temporarily to California, get on the payroll of the Hunter law firm, and then get out of town as quickly as possible once the papers were finally in hand.  It all seemed slightly insane—propelling himself into the plushness of the living room sectional and closing his eyes.

Immediately he was asleep. 

“What are you doing down here?  Your bed is upstairs.  This isn’t like you, Cash.” 

Naturally, it was Lee, back to torment him.  Cash was starting to get used to him, actually.  At least then, he wasn’t so alone. 

“I am here because of you, Lee,” Cash patiently explained to the spirit, “…and only because of you.  My bed, this room, makes no difference.  We’re together.” 

Lee walked over to sit beside Cash. He was so close Cash could smell the leather and smoke on him.  For the first time, he reached out a hand and stroked Lee’s black-clad arm.

“Where is it you come from, Lee?” he softly asked.  “Which side?”

“That side you don’t know, but you’ll come to know.  Everyone does.”

“It is heaven, or hell.  Tell me…”

“That’s not your concern, although in honesty I’ve seen the demons.  I know a bit about death these days.  But what I want…”

The spectral voice went silent, the eyes staring straight ahead.  Cash knew he had to say something otherwise Lee might leave him.

“What do you want, Lee?”

When Lee turned to look at him, his expression was severe and covered with pain.

“I want from you what I gave to you once.  I want you to fuck me in this existence.  Can you do that for me, Cash?”

The sudden shock that bolted through Cash woke him, shaking and gasping.  Fear gripped him so hard he was afraid he might be sick.  Warily, he looked over to the spot where Lee had just been, but there was nothing there—only the night that had fallen.  Cash didn’t want to leave; he didn’t want to risk abandoning Lee if he happened to still be around…

“This is crazy!” Cash shouted into the air as he jumped up from the couch to head to the bedroom.  “This is just plain nuts!”

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